Sunday, January 28, 2018

O' This Graceless Machine

Sometimes, the Bible reads you, but you don't figure that out til the very end of the day. After-sight is 20/20.

Or just 21.

Proverbs 27 | January 27
Themes of the Day
5 Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed.
6 Wounds made by a friend are intended to help, but an enemy’s kisses are too much to bear.
9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
12 A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself; The simple pass on and are punished.
17 As iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens [and influences] another [through discussion].
21 The crucible [tests] silver, and the furnace [tests] gold, but a person [is tested] by [his reaction to] praise.

My iron

One time back at Bible school, I slipped on some old pine needles while pretending to do parkour with my friends. It happened so fast that I didn't have time to put out my arms, and my face slammed with a skull-reverberating thud! on the sidewalk, the rest of me somehow in the grass. As my friends helped me to my feet -- asking if I was okay and how many fingers they were holding up -- I could only whisper that I was fine, because if I'd used my voice, it would've broke, and I would've started crying -- that's how much the sound of my skull bouncing off the pavement scared me.

The damage wasn't nearly as bad as it sounded, and I spent the next few days with a tender cheekbone, and a lovely bruise contour. I did eventually end up crying a little bit in the birthday card isle of an incredibly small Walmart, clinging to a friend of mine after the others had gone.

"You're having a delayed reaction, it's okay," she said as my tears stained her jacket.

That's kind of become a theme in my life, honestly. When the sacred, the truly intimate, gets eclipsed by my insecurities --my nearly inexplicable desire for it to be understood that I understand, my bravado, the MRYM I project with a boldness that I don't truly feel beneath my skin -- and the mask slips -- when they see the places that aren't 21 years old in me and I fall on my face, it hurts and the sound is deafening.

And that is how Graceless Machine was born tonight.

Close enough to kick. ;)

Thank you.

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