I didn't know what to expect as I drove in today because change makes me uncomfortable unless it's my idea, and I received a lot that I'm still processing. But it was potluck time afterward, so we all got to marinate in the kindness and warmth of a new place together. The food was awesome and only got more awesome as we traversed the line, and we basically had a mini reunion with extended church family!
When my whole church group hugged me after I got back from the altar earlier in the service (too my surprise), I felt so light and clean for a sparkling moment. Fresh. Tabula rasa.
Something I once wrote in a down season says:
"If your grace has found me just as I am,
Why has it left me here where I began --
Where the fleece is neither wet nor dry,
And when I ask You don't reply?"At one point in the sermon today, the pastor said that grace doesn't leave us where it finds us, and if a person is still where they were before the cross, that it's time to revisit their conversion. Not a new thought, and it was definitely a good time to do so.
Afterward, the minimum four hours of sleep I crammed, intense prayer, and delicious lunch got to me, and I melted on a couch while my Person talked with the pastor.
Now I'm at work, very sleepy, but also very conscious of myself and Who I represent in ways I haven't been in a while. When I get home, I'll try a bath bomb for the first time, and rest in some great scents with breakfast before bed.
I hope to have this much hope again tomorrow.